My niece was here for the day and I experienced something that I was totally foreign to me... Something that I am glad I got a chance to witness for myself, but I never care to see again. I went into the American Girl store. Holy crap! I get the catalog (why I don't know), but having all boys, I have never really looked through it. Passing through the gates of Little Girl Heaven was... Well, Holy crap! Thousands, maybe millions of outfits for these dolls. And pets and outfits for the pets... And accessories for the dolls and pets. Little girls walking around with these dolls... Some look-a-likes. A restaurant where you have "tea" with your doll. The doll even sits in a chair attached to the table with her own teacup. A hair salon for the dolls... Up-do, braid, straight, curly.
We also went to Niketown... I was much more comfortable there. Swoosh... ahhhh.

It is not very often that I come home from a birth frustrated. Yesterday my client called me in the morning because her water broke. We hung out at her house for a few hours listening to music and chatting... Occasionally teasing her husband because he wanted to "do something" "coach" "chant" "grunt", whatever. At that point there was nothing to do except be there and rest up for all the excitement later. We get to the hospital and my client receives her epidural. Nurse checks her, doc comes in with ultrasound... breech baby. This isn't the part I am in a huff about... client ops for a C-section verses delivering vaginally which I totally understand. Now we are faced with the STUPID ASSININE hospital policy of only allowing one person in the operating room. I have dealt with this before and have been allowed into 2 sections so I know there is always the slight to none chance that rules will be bent. Usually it is the anesthesiologist that puts the kabosh on it... I know it is tight in there, I know in an emergency the more people to shuffle out the harder it is... BUT mom is laying on a narrow table with her arms to the side, cold, scarred and tired - DAD is not only afraid for his wife but the baby and has to sit in a chair while his wife is getting cut open. Anyone holding his hand? Nope. Everyone is masked and eyes are focused on a task. Nobody is making eye contact with the parents. Baby is born, held up and taken to the warmer. Dad goes to baby and mom is lying on that table alone. Happy that baby is OK, but still scarred... wouldn't it be nice if someone was still by her side? Dad follows baby to nursery and mom is still on the table. I just hate that. I totally understand not allowing family members in... they would be so emotional. But this is my job. To support, to inform, to comfort. In this case it is totally not respected and I don't like it.

Mom and Baby Boy are doing well.
Toni... you still win the award for bringing the most luggage, but this couple came in a close second!

Easter eve everyone fell asleep on the couch... I went upstairs to get ready for bed at 10:30. As I was about to put my Ambien in my mouth, Nick comes up and says, "Mom, aren't you going to hide the eggs?" Shit! I had totally forgot. That would have been a lot harder to explain then the fact that the Tooth Fairy sometimes is soooo busy that it takes her a few nights.

No, not my teeth.
How long does the "tooth fairy" have to keep collecting teeth? Is it horrible if she starts tossing them when the kid turns 8, 10, 12? She will keep the old ones, but it is not so cute anymore.

Haven't blogged because my mind is filled with words like uterus, pelvis, positioning, episiotomy, transition, contraction, membranes and my favorite... Kegel. You just did one, didn't you!

I am working on my Childbirth Education Certification. Every spare, ha, moment I am reading a few pages, answering a few pre-test questions and watching videos. Trying to get as much in before tomorrow because I know that when the kiddos are home for break I will be distracted.

I met a woman who opened a "store" called Maternal Wellborn. She mainly rents breast pumps and is a referral for breastfeeding women. She has information about classes, Doulas, midwives... pretty much anything childbirth related. As we were chatting, she generously offered her space for me to teach classes. That put me back on track... I was not thrilled about teaching a hospital based class and it would be too stressful to get everyone out of my house to teach here. Renting a room at a healthclub or center is costly and I would like to keep my classes semi-private. Maybe 3 or 4 couples at the most. I am excited to get done.
Back to the books!

I have found a new toy... get your mind out of the gutter, it's not that kind of toy!
Since I am in "get fit" mode, I am making myself smoothies. My blender is huge and hard to clean... I always make too much and I make a mess. I saw an infomercial on the Magic Bullet and was intrigued. I didn't order it because I thought it was too expensive for what I wanted it for... I know I will never make juices, sauces... just smoothies. Then I saw it less expensive at Target. DONE. PURHASED. This is so cool. It is small, no huge blender on my counter. You just put all the ingredients into a single serve cup, pop it on the base, press down and presto. You also drink it right out of the same cup... no mess. Dishwasher safe... I'm sold!

This cute little bird has decided to make a nest right outside our bedroom window. I have already had a chat with it to explain the "no chirping, singing or squawking" rule.

Death and Pain

We were at the mall yesterday and I saw this girl hanging out. I asked her if I could take a picture of her. Part of me wants to applaud her for her individuality but most of me wants to smack her upside the head and say, "What the hell are you thinking?"

Do you see the baby?

My Papa was a great person. Funny as hell, always telling stories... many that were not true. All about the war, how he had no shoes and had to walk 10 miles in the snow to school - with no shoes. He was born on April Fools Day. Although a very handsome man in his early years, later he looked like a cross between Mr. Roper and Yoda. Bald head, big ears... see for yourself.


Papa wrote speeches and poems for everything. Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs... always signing them "A Martin original, one of a kind- just for you". I have them all, he kept a copy of each and every word.
He worried about everything. Typical Jewish grandfather. My grandparents bickered constantly... I now think that is what kept them together. He loved when a child would sit on his lap for a backrub. Since I was very close to my grandmother, we had a running joke that I would call and say, "Is grandma there?". Papa was friends with the guy at the gas station, the man at the pet store and anyone else who would sit with him and listen. His funeral was standing room only. For as long as I can remember, he walked around with a little stool on a cane because he often got dizzy when he stood up. I only remember once where he used a wheelchair. We were in Boston for my sisters graduation and we made him get one. He hated it. Papa sang Hava Nagila at my wedding. Proud and tall... well not so tall, he was leaning on a chair. He was an accountant, most of his "clients" being old friends. Filing cabinets filled his office with paperwork from years and years of work. Hmmmm, from one generation to the next.

We called him Papa, a name which my father proudly took on (although my kids have changed it to Poopy). He passed away in the lobby of his apartment building 14 years ago; Justin was 4 months old. There are very few pictures of him with Justin... he did not like holding babies. He was so proud of his grandchildren and would be very proud of his great-grandchildren. He said the following words at my wedding, "Life, as it unfolds brings us various rewards. When we get married that is great and then we have children, those are problems. The children bring home girlfriends that become wives, thank God we're getting rid of the kids. And then when they have children, those are rewards. And when God blesses the grandparents with years of life and our grandchildren get married, that is called bonus. And from now on all were doing is going up."

Rosie O'Donnell has a blog called formerlyROSIE. I loved her show and I am so glad she is still putting her thoughts out there. I admire her. Gay/straight... fat/thin.... I don't care. She is passionate about kids and works very hard to use her money in ways that benefit children. I'm sure she has helped many people talking openly about her fight with depression and the pain of loosing her mother to cancer. Her blog is a bit hard to read, but for me that makes it even more interesting. Check it out.

There are a few friendships from my past that I have yearned to get back. I have tried and tried to keep even the smallest amount of communication open because I have a hard time letting go. Recently, a childhood friend moved to Arizona. I figured this was my sign to give it up. We have not seen eachother in years. Every once in a while I would get a forwarded email and I would respond. I sent pictures, holiday cards and got nothing "personal" in return. But I hung on. Before she moved there was about 1 minute of chat (via email) of getting together. Never happened. Today, after a few months of nothing, I got another forward. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I would never hear from her again. Part of me was relieved. But the part of me that is still holding on emailed back. In response to my response, I got this:

"i truly do miss you lonna, i want to catch up on what's important and not dredge up the past.
love ya mean it, i miss you, my oldest and dearest friend, how about singing into hairbrushes for old times sake? as long as it's not in front of the kids"

There was a bit about her kids too. That is the first personal note I have gotten in a long, long time. I am not sure what to do with it. I have wished for so many years that we could have anything, something. And now that she is in another state, she wants to catch up. I am not sure I can forget the past... all the hurt, the abandonment of our friendship. I have never asked anything of her. Not to change who she is, what she does... all I wanted was to love her. And NOW she wants to forget about everything and sing into hairbrushes again. Yea, we did that... "you light up my life, you give me hope... to carry on". Ironic huh? Part of me will take anything... a few emails may lead to seeing pictures of her and her kids which may lead to some phone calls. Who knows. We are both different people... can I pretend that we just met? Should I?

So, what do you think of the new look? There are a glitches to be worked out... any suggestions?

K and I pull up to Wal-Mart today and see KF's car in the parking lot. I send a phone message to KF saying, "Marko". KF sends a phone message saying, "Polo". K and I go into the store and see KF walking down the aisle. K (almost peeing in her pants laughing) and I sneak around and I send another message, "louder". KF sends a message back, "Louder, polo". K (now actually peeing in her pants laughing) and I yell, "MARKO". KF picks up her phone to call me as we are still yelling "MARKO". KF is grinning, but looks puzzled. Finally, she sees us. She was about to call me to tell me that a parent was looking for her kid named Marco at the same time I was sending her messages.

Right now, K is reading this and, again, peeing in her pants laughing.

Ben is walking around the house with a toy over his head saying, "Eunice we have a problem". I keep asking him who Eunice is... then I realized he meant Houston.

I am shredding years and years worth of credit card statements, paycheck stubs, medical bills, utility bills and general receipts. Everytime I pay a bill I have to write pd ck#xxx and the date. Then I file it in my drawer until the end of the year where is all goes into a box labeled with the year. The box goes into a closet in the basement for dust to collect. I know there are certain documents that need to be saved, but I have been programmed to save every piece of paper relating to anything financial. This is my smart-ass fathers response to it being all his fault:

"the proper care and feeding of financial records has been handed down from generation to generation in the Rosenbaum family. This goes as far back as Moshe Rosenbaum who was entrusted with the care of the travel expense records for Moses when he left Egypt"


This is only about 6 months worth... I have a long way to go!


Shreddings of my life

I just posted a question over at Mommy Matters to help Christine. It seems she talks too much and has run out of things to say. I have the opposite problem... there is so much in my head, but when I try to say my thoughts or put them into words I get stuck. They either come out wrong or I don't even bother and keep everything inside.

Anyway, here is the question:
If you could buy ONE thing right now, at any store, what would it be? Only one thing, at any cost. It has to be something you could actually purchase... not time, a maid, more money, etc.

If money were not an issue I think I would buy a little house. Not too close, but not too far. Maybe on a lake or river. Maybe near a small town where you could walk down the streets saying Hi to all the locals. Definitely where there are interesting photo opportunities. Where we could escape for the weekend. Where I could go by myself. Where friends could come to get away from their lives. Yea, right now that is what I would buy. Tomorrow it may be different.

I am watching a National Geographic special called In The Womb. Did you know that sperm is the smallest cell in the body whereas the egg is the largest cell. Also the X chromosome, which determines female, is larger than the Y, which determines male.
That explains a lot!

Do you remember your elementary school Fun Fair? I do. My favorite game was where you throw a ping-pong ball and try to get it into one of the goldfish bowls. If it went in, you win a fish... an actual live fish. In a twist tied bag. (Now the kids get a coupon for a fish) As they were handing the fish out to the child, all parents were probably thinking, "Great, just great". I came home with fish almost every year. Those poor fish that would live a very short life. As a child going to the Fun Fair, I never even thought of how those games got there, who was working at the games, how much it costs, who cleaned it all up, etc. Who would? I just went, spent my parents money and came home all happy with a new fish. I probably figured there was a Fun Fair God and she, yes she, took care of it all. Well, I am now learning that I was very wrong. The moms did it... all of it. This year, I have been handed the baton... actually the filing cabinet, filled with years of FunFair flyers, contacts, signs, rules, games and much, much more. I am having fun doing it but OH MY this is a lot of work. I have been involved in the past, but haven't been the organizer before. To all the people before me who have done this, I bow down to you. To all the kids who will enjoy it... there is no Fun Fair God. Your parents do it... all of it!

Why doesn't bleach come in a container with a top like liquid detergent? You know the ones with the little cup so it doesn't splatter all over when you try to pour it... or even the ones with the spout.

Taking your child for his High School physical: HARD
Sitting in the waiting room watching other moms bounce little boys on their laps: HARDER
Making fun of your teenage son in a paper gown: PRICELESS

I have always been a take charge kind of person... do it yourselfer...My parents raised us to be very independent. For the most part both my sisters have turned out that way too. I remember my mother telling me how I used to put myself on time-outs as a toddler. I needed my space. I am not sure if that is part of being first born or maybe that there were ALWAYS cousins, friends, kids, relatives around. One time (at band camp) I applied for a summer job doing security at an outdoor concert hall. When I went to the interview, I saw a letter my dad had written attached to my application. He was in the biz, so he thought he was helping. I was furious because I wanted to get the job on my own. I got it, but I did not take it. Even today, I love to run things... be in charge. Sometimes that works against me, but I am usually proud of the end result. Jerry and I joke about the fact that when we go to a restaurant and he will ask if I want to try whatever he has. I will say no, but then pick at it anyway. Is that part of independence or just being stubborn?!? Wait, don't answer that.

I can't seem to come up with anything clever to put as a tag line so I have decided to use other peoples words. I plan to change the quote weekly, daily, monthly... whenever I find something funny, inspirational, motivational... who knows, you could be up there!

_______________________

For those of you who surf blogs: Who the fuck is Cao?!?
(I am not going to link to the blog because I don't want to send him/her/it anymore traffic)

I got a gift from a friend this weekend... I am going to refer to her as The Mayor, she is not really a Mayor, but since she knows everyone and always seems to be campaigning for something we call her The Mayor. Anyway, I had helped The Mayor with invitations for her sons birthday and she got me a Thank You gift. The gift was great, a Happy Bunny pillow that says, "It's all about me. Deal with it". We joke about the different sayings all the time. Our favorite is "Your breath smells like butt" because it was on a mint tin and someone at our PTO meetings always needs a mint. Got off topic again.... the best part of the gift was what she wrote in the card. "Thanks for being you" Forget the gift, just thank me for being me and I will vote for you in the next election!

Just in case your teen leaves the Instant Messenger on and you decide to see what he chats about, here is how you decode the new lingo.

Words are not spelled correctly on purpose. For example: wats up? taht is cool. i lyke tis gurl. can u hang out? wuld u... culd u... tihs... taht...teh I can understand the u for you, etc. but why tihs for this and taht for that and teh for the... makes no sense to me. Like what are they thinking when like they do that? Like its so stupid. Like Whatever.

Got height? 

Big hearts result in empty stomachs
Cary teens raise money for poor kids around the world through 30-hour famine
"During the event, students ask for sponsor donations while they go 30 hours without solid food to experience what hunger is like"
"Teens found temptation everywhere during the famine" "A bag of Pringles left on top of a desk in the church teen room...":Candy that had fallen beneath the couches in the room lay cruelly at eye level for those wrapped in sleeping bags on the floor""Some of the teachers waved food in front of my face during school Friday"

Before I go on a rant about how much this bugs me, I need to say that I am totally for raising money to help those who need it... and to help kids in our society understand how incredibly fortunate they are just to have a roof over their heads.
"Forgoing food wasn't the only thing the teens did over the weekend...""They took part in role-playing games...""Notes planted around the church yard informed students what land could be farmed for food and what couldn't."
BUT, and for me this is a bit BUT, we have a huge problem with food issues in this country. I don't think I have to list what they are. And I am not sure that teens starving themselves is a good way to hold a fundraiser. And to have teachers, other students and youth leaders saying, "Look what I've got that you can't have" just pisses me off. You can't tell me that at least one of those teens is not thinking that this is a great way to loose a pound or two. Or that one is not thinking that he or she can now go out and bindge for a day.
Besides the fact that they can not possibly experience, even begin to experience true hunger pains... none of us can. We can't put ourselves in the place of people starving, even for 30 hours. These teens got to walk out of there and eat.
Fundraisers shouldn't put the children at risk... I think this one teaches the wrong lesson.

What do you think?

Phone rings...
Justin: "Hello (pause), Yea, hang on. DILLON PHONE! 5,4,3" (clink, he hangs up on the person)
Me: "Justin, did you just hang up on someone?"
Justin: "I think so"

I heard the whole thing, I was in the next room... Dillon was on the way to the phone.

Me: "Justin, come here" (He had a friend over, so I did not want to embarrass him) "You just earned a weekend with no sleepovers for being an ass"
Justin goes back to the kitchen mumbling how stupid that is. So I yell, "Hey, at least I didn't embarrass you!"
Then I realized I called my son an ass.

When you brush your teeth... do you use cold, warm or hot water?

Today I met with two Doula's that live in my town. We have been playing tag since November and finally got to meet. It is so nice having people so close that share the same passion as I do. Both were a bit more "granola" than I am, but surprisingly I found myself a bit envious. As one nursed her 2 year old then her 4 month old, the other nursed her 18 month old... one had 5 children who were all homeschooled (not jealous of that), the other talked about when she would get pregnant with her second. I felt OLD.
We talked about birth experiences, both ours and the ones we have witnessed. One teaches childbirth classes which got me back on track. I have had my certification materials for close to a year and have not completed anything. We discussed how beautiful it is, the whole birth thing. How amazing it is to hold someone's hand through it. How in awe we are of the whole process. We talked about different hospitals, midwives, doctors... policies, rules and politics. They asked me how I did it when my kids were babies. Again I felt OLD. I shared pictures... my brag book. We took turns reading stories to the 2 year old. One said she felt like we had known eachother for a long time.
There seems to be an immediate bond between "us"... I am not sure if I would call it friendship (at least not yet), but we definitely have a common interest that ties us together.